Friday, March 23, 2012

Idiot Onboard

My grandfather was "rich" and "famous", relatively speaking.  He was the first person in our family to board an airplane.  He was a writer for the Bollywood industry and I remember the first time he had to fly to meet a director.  It was a domestic flight, but a flight it was.  Our entire extended family went to see him off at the airport.  For whatever reason he had also a room at the nearby Airport Hotel.  We all gathered at the room - all 20 of us.  We dressed up for the occasion, of course.  I remember that it was the first time we had seen a tub (as in a bath tub).  My brother was in love!  He insisted on taking a bath.  No joke.  There was a room service order or two, and then we all showed up at the airport, waving grandpa goodbye on our family's first ever airplane ride.  I had to be about 6 years old.

Those were my only memories of the airport when I was boarding the flight to United States.  It was my first time at the international airport.  It was my first time in an airplane.  I was cool though, I knew what to do - till I didn't.  Seat belts on, the take off went without a hitch.  I saw the buildings turn into Lego pieces and disappear in the clouds.  The light went off to take off the seat belts. But in all my excitement, I missed the instructions on how to.  So there I was, on a 20 hour flight, stuck in my seat.  The beverage service came and went, snacks were served, and I needed to go to the loo.  But I couldn't get out of my seat belt!

I sat alone in my isle, so I couldn't ask the neighbors.  And I couldn't possibly contort to ask the person behind me.  So, I contorted to reach the bell.  The stewardess showed up and I was rescued.  Turns out the stewardess was a friend of a friend and she recognized me from a party we had been to.  She was super nice to me and gave me a bunch of sodas, snacks, and nick knacks to bring with me the the US.

I sat alone with my newely acquired goodies and knowledge of seat belt operations and such - till we got to  Heathrow.  We had to disembark there to switch planes.  Heathrow was a strange place.  There were Indians there who looked just like me but spoke with a unusual accent and were clearly not Indian.  While I was there, a young man of Indian descent kept hitting on me - as if he had a chance at anything during a 2 hour layover...

On the leg to Fort Lauderdale, I sat next to a young Englishman.  I had never met an Englishman before.  They were supposed to be evil - my grandfather spent a night in jail protesting them; but this one seemed harmless.  I was so bored by this time I tried to talk to him.  I don't think he was interested in speaking to me.  And what made it much worse was that I couldn't understand what he was saying so I kept asking him to repeat himself.  I remember asking him what time it was and him saying something like "oit" - which I later realized meant "eight".  I had no idea what that was - so I kept repeating myself - perhaps he hadn't heard my question.  He looked quite irritated.

Looking out of the plane while landing in New York, I did not see the statue of liberty.  What a rip off!  We had to go through immigration in JFK.  Then I ended up in Fort Lauderdale.  It was nothing like in the movies.

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